Let's Have a Laugh!

[falcon2571 0]

This is soooooo funny. I love it. What a top guy doing his job.

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/flight-attendant-rap.html

Rgds Glenn.

[Cris B. 120]

Way to go M31!

[Cris B. 120]

I'm sorry Cris ... I dont understand your banter at all?

LOL

Exactly!

[777cpt 18]

An Old Pilot's Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp, Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.

The aircraft were fastened to tiedowns withcare In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots, While peak gusts from three two zero reached 39 knots.

I sank behind the fuel desk, now finally caught up, And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When over the radio there arose such aclatter, I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.

A voice clearly heard over static and snow,Asked for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked out his transmission so lively and quick, I could have sworn that the call sign he used was "St.Nick".

Away to the window I flew like a flash, Sure that it was only Horizon's late Dash.

Then he called his position, and there could be no denial, "This is St. Nicholas One and I'm turning onto final."

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,A Rutan sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer.

Cleared for the ILS, down the glideslope he came, As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:

"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun! On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'? Those last couple of fixes left the controllers confused, They called down to the office to give me the news.

The message they left was both urgent and dour: "When Santa lands, have him please call the tower?" He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking, Then I heard "Exit at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."

He slowed to a taxi and exited Three-Two, and as he came down the taxiway the sleighbells' jingle grew. He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk, I had run out to him with my best set of chocks.

He was dressed all in fur, which was covered with frost And his beard was all blackened from Rotax Reindeer exhaust. His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale, And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.

His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly, His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fool, And he kindly informed me that he needed some fuel.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his toes, Let me know he was desperate to powder his nose. I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work, And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.

He came out of the restroom with a sigh of relief, And then picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief. And I thought as he silently scribed in his log, That with Rudolph, he could land in an eighth-mile fog.

Next, he completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear, Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell,"Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk, He called up the tower for his clearance and squawk.

"After departure fly heading three two zero," the tower called forth,"And watch for a Luscombe inbound from the North."

Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night, "Merry

Christmas to all! I have traffic insight."

[Cris B. 120]

That was absolutely brilliant 777cpt!

[777cpt 18]

The Copilot

I am the copilot. I sit on the right.

It's up to me to be quick and bright;

I never talk back for I have regrets,

But I have to remember what the Captain forgets.

I make out the Flight Plan and study the weather,

Pull up the gear, stand by to feather;

Make out the mail forms and do the reporting,

And fly the old crate while the Captain is courting.

I take the readings, adjust the power,

Put on the heaters when we're in a shower;

Tell him where we are on the darkest night,

And do all the bookwork without any light.

I call for my Captain and buy him cokes;

I always laugh at his corny jokes,

And once in awhile when his landings are rusty

I always come through with, "By gosh it's gusty!"

All in all I'm a general stooge,

As I sit on the right of the man I call "Scrooge";

I guess you think that is past understanding,

But maybe some day he will give me a landing.

[777cpt 18]

1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.

2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.

3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.

4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.

5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.

6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.

7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.

8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.

9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.

10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.

11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.

12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.

13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.

14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.

15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility.

16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.

[TF-197 28]

Two drunk fighter pilots were flying in formation:

Leader to W1: "Can you see me?"

W1 to Leader: "No. And you?"

Leader to W1: "Me neither"

W1 to Leader: "Cool, we are now stealth fighters!"

LOL good one man!

[777cpt 18]

WHERE OLD PILOTS GO

I hope there's a place, way up in the sky

Where pilots can go when they have to die.

A place where a guy could buy a cold beer

For a friend and a comrade whose memory is dear.

A place where no doctor or lawyer could tread,

Nor a management-type would e'ler be caught dead!

Just a quaint little place, kind of dark, full of smoke,

Where they like to sing loud, and love a good joke.

The kind of a place that a lady could go

And feel safe and secure by the men she would know.

There must be a place where old pilots go,

When their wings become heavy, when their airspeed gets low,

Where the whiskey is old, and the women are young,

And songs about flying and dying are sung.

Where you'd see all the fellows who'd 'flown west' before,

And they'd call out your name, as you came through the door,

Who would buy you a drink, if your thirst should be bad,

And relate to the others, "He was quite a good lad!"

And there, through the mist, you'd spot an old guy

You had not seen in years, though he'd taught you to fly.

He'd nod his old head, and grin ear to ear

And say, "Welcome, my Son, I'm proud that you're here!

For this is the place where true flyers come

When the battles are over, and the wars have been won.

They've come here at last, to be safe and alone,

>From the government clerk, and the management clone;

Politicians and lawyers, the Feds, and the noise,

Where all hours are happy, and these good ol' boys

Can relax with a cool one, and a well deserved rest!

This is Heaven, my Son. You've passed your last test!"

[FlyBoyMario 19]

John Cleese: How to Irritate People - Airplane Sketch

Check this out:

[TF-197 28]

I hope your Airbus project dosn´t get short up http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/1036624789033342948ovdWLd

and here´s one that is abit of a rare scene http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/1036627898033342948LNtwjG

[Just Fly 56]

United 402: "United 402, asking for a climb to FL310"

ATC: "United 402, keep FL250 because of noise restrictions".

United 402: ""Noise restricitons"? At this altitude?".

ATC: "Well, if you climb up and hit your colleague which is flying at FL 270, this would make a lot of noise...".

[Just Fly 56]

Heard at Francfort Airport, between a British Airways pilot and the German ATC...

Speedbird: "Goog mornin' Francfort, Speedbird 206 requests rolling to the terminal."

ATC: "Guten morgen, please proceed using taxiway A, C1 and F."

The BA 747 begins rolling and suddenly stops in the middle of the main taxiway.

ATC: "Speedbird, don't you know where you're going?"

Speedbird: "Standby ATC, I'm just looking at my charts."

ATC: "Speedbird, have you ever been in Francfort ?!"

Speedbird: "Yope, in 1944, but I didn't stop."

[Just Fly 56]

ATC : "Delta Oscar Mike, transponder 0476"

Pilot : "Repeat"

ATC : "Transponder 0476"

Pilot : "Four, Zero...?"

ATC : "Would you like an easier one?"

[Just Fly 56]

Pilot : "Approach, how far are we from the runway ?"

CTL : "N823, the faster you'll fly, the quicker you'll arrive."

[Just Fly 56]

CTL : "Cessna 123, would you like the "Hotel" info?"

Cessna : "No, thanks, we're staying at our friend's tonight."

[Just Fly 56]

ATC : "3 Phantoms flying in formation in the contol area without clearance, please tell your transponder ! "

Pilot : "I'm not stupid, you know..."

[Just Fly 56]

ATC : "AF-568, there's traffic at ten hours, 6 miles"

Pilot : "Give us another indication, we've got digital watches !"

[Just Fly 56]

ATC : "D-EXXX, runway cleared, please tell number of passengers."

Cessna : "Pilot, two passengers and a dog"

(The Cessna has a very bumpy landing and finally stops)

ATC : "I suppose the dog was in command ?"

[Just Fly 56]

A photographer of a French newspaper had to make pictures of a huge forrest fire in the South of France. He called the Nice Airport and asked for a pilot. They answered him that a pilote and his Cessna would be ready for take-off in two hours.

Two hours later, the photorapher arrived on the tarmac and found a Cessna and its pilot waiting on him. He jumped into the plane and shouted:

- Let's go!

The pilote started the engine, rolled onto the runway and took off.

In the air, the photographer said:

- Do you see that smoke there? You'll approach it from the North and make some low altitude fly-by's.

The pilote asked him, nervously:

- But why?

- Because I'd like to make photos, what do you think?! I'm a "Paris Match" photographer, not a fisherman!

After a short pause the pilot answered:

- Come on, it's a joke?! You are my flying instuctor, aren't you?